back again

remembered my password and decided to try again.

The rain has started, finally. I know that the ground needs it, I know that the reservoir needs it, I know that the pond needs it, but did it have to be today? Somehow it matches my mood when what I need is to be shaken until I rattle and then put back on the ground on a glorious day, to be reminded that we are on this earth for a reason and that that reason is not to have an affair that threatens someone else's happiness. End of rant

I'd never had an affair, I'd been alongside others who have. Many of them have left LTRs , searching for something else and I (I hate to admit it) have often condone this behaviour. 'If you're not happy get out', you know the kind of thing? But it wasn't for me, serial yes, simultaneous no. I'm such an idiot to have let it get to this and even having ended it I'm walking around feeling that I've let everyone down, especially me. SO egocentric. Time to stop

the ex

sooooooooooooo, despite the ongoing and highly unsuitable flirtation with a woman young enough to be my daughter I'm still finding it hard to let go of the ex. I know, I know. I didn't want the relationship anyway and this is simply wounded pride talking. I'd been telling people since before we went on holiday that I would finish it once we returned but somehow that didn't happen.I've yet to meet a single person who knew us who thinks that our break up is a bad thing, how telling is that? Everyone feels that her binge drinking and irrational behaviour were doing me harm, which they were of course, but with my rescuer hat firmly in place I thought we could do something about it.

well, as I've never really understood the fascination of blogging this will be an interesting exercise. But I DO need somewhere to dump a whole lot of middle aged crap so this seems a good a place to start as any. Have made no attempt to hide myself, anyone who knows me will know this ID - so welcome!